When Trump says Jump !

I see Donald Trump told Boris Johnson to jump last week! Boris then wittily replied - "how high?"

It's about Sir Kim Darroch's candid assessment of the Trump administration. It was he said - quote - inept and dysfunctional.

I imagine the conversation between Trump and BoJo went something like this.

Boris, I don't like that guy Sir Tim. He's not doing me, I mean the UK any favors.

Crikey, I think you mean Sir Kim, don't you Donald?

Yeah that Sir Jim guy. Get ridda that bum. His numbers don't look great.

Crumbs you mean Sir Kim, not Sir Tim, nor Sir Jim. Whaddya - sorry what do you - want me to do?

I want you to jump big guy, I want you to jump when I say so, and dump that asshole.

Cripes I can do that. How high do you want me to jump Don?

It's a BIG number, a really BIG number, I'm thinking forxty.

Forxty?

Yeah, about that. It's somewhere between forty and sixty feet.

Right, crikey, crumbs, cripes, OK. I'll do it. But I wanna - sorry - want a trade deal.

See that girlfriend of yours, Laura Kuenssberg, she's kinda cute. She's part of the deal OK!

Blimey - I'll see what I can do. A forxty foot jump, plus Laura Kuenssberg to be phased in by Oct?

You got it fella. - remember your're playing with the big boys now. Nice hair by the way.

Woof !

Glasto

You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to back to fetch it.

my Mum, your Dad

It's a new reality show FFS Endless permutations My Mum, your Dad My Mum, your Mum My Dad, your Dad My Mum, my Dad + your Dad My Mum, your Mum + your Dad Stay woof

it's bin day

I love a by election but only for the nutters who stand in them. I expected the Monster Raving Loony Party but there's a new kid on the block ... Count Binface. So i've been inspired to stand myself as his buddy, Count Benny of Thejets. Just like my inspiration Sir Elton, I'm still standing. My policies include:- Lowering taxes on dog food Campaigning for more poo bins Compulsory banning of cats Gotta go, I ate something 'dodgy' earlier in the park and I think I'm about to lose my deposit! Stay woof

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