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Sausages

Tossed and turned all night worrying about contagion in the Middle East and the rising price of sausages. Nice walk down the Nidd Gorge this morning with her. Saw a squirrel, one day I'm going to have one of those bastards. All the gang were there, Banjo, Wombat etc. Fancy calling a dog Wombat, it's no wonder he's got "issues". Banned from my X-box for a week for pissing in the kitchen again, still there's always the old Wii to fall back on. Wii, d'ya get it? I'm too good for this place, I may take up that offer of a summer season at Scarborough after all. Mind you last time I did that I had to share a dressing room with Roger D'Courcey and Nookie Bear. The abuse that bear took, it still brings tears to my eyes even to this day. Pooh count: 1 and a half (don't ask).

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Create a password..... cabbage Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.... boiled cabbage Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. 1 boiled cabbage Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. 50fuckingboiledcabbages Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character. 50FUCKINGboiledcabbages Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively. 50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArse,IfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessImmediatelyYouTwats Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation. NowIAmGettingReallyPissedOff50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArseIfYou DontGiveMeAccessImmediatelyYouTwats Sorry, that password is already in use! See  Fucking phone calls too
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My Mate Frank

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Snow

Bloody snow, I hate the stuff. It snowed here on Saturday, which meant that my Sunday morning constitutional consisted of me running around Horseshoe Field at Conyngham bollock deep in the wretched white stuff tying to put on a display of pleasure for the two-leggeds. "Ah look at him, he loves snow," they'd say. "Look at him running and jumping around in it." Well you'd run and jump around if your bollocks were dangling in snow wouldn't you? Me poor little paws were frozen solid by the time we got back to the car. Pooh count: two, both of them "steamers" - in fact one of them was giving off so much vapour it reminded me of Drax power station, except a bit smaller and browner obviously. And it probably couldn't have powered 20,000 homes in Pontefract. A small pensioners bungalow maybe. As long as they didn't have all the lights on, and the bath running. They don't have many baths pensioners do they? One a month maybe, so the chances ...
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