Royal Wedding Review

Well, well, didn't the Queen look nice, all teeny weeny and wrinkly in yellow, like a little sherbet lemon carrying a handbag. The bride was beautiful of course, and her sister's pretty tidy too, I wouldn't know who's leg to hump first if I was round at their house. What about Harry though, was it just me or was he walking like he'd filled his pants? Will's clearly has the DoE/Charles bald patch, but Harry seems to have a most unroyal thick mop of hair doesn't he? Strange that, the lucky bastard. The Duchess of Kent looked like she'd just had a couple of wisdom teeth extracted, and as for Eugenie and Beatrice, oh lord, let's just say that they've obviously inherited their mother's class. I had no idea that they lived in Middlesbrough until I saw them. That grand old British institution Sir Elt was there, with his chum David, no strangers to going up the aisle either of them. Beckham was there too, with his praying mantis. And did anyone apart from me get a flashback to Whacko Jacko dangling that kid he bought over the railings for the paparazzi to see when Charles decided to "help" by holding one of the bridesmaids up for better look. The one that kept picking her nose I think it was. Let's just say that he had more stripes on his tunic at the end of the day than he did at the start if you look closely. Disgusting habit, snot eating, you wouldn't catch me doing anything like that. Put me right off my tea it did, I'm glad I didn't bother going now, them corgi's can be vicious little bastards you know. Pooh count: just the three, but it's only early.