Langkau ke kandungan utama

You Never Have A Flamethrower Handy When You Want One Do You?

Me Dad tells me that his weekend trip to Ireland was somewhat spoilt by an overtly camp and gobby 17 year old-ish passenger sat next but one to him who provided a loud running commentary on everything that was happening around him for the whole trip. "Look there's the sea. Oh, look there's the beach, I love to feel the warm sun caressing my naked body, I do. Isn't it amazing that one of these things can get off the ground? Oh, it makes my tummy go all funny just thinking about it. Gives me the right collywobbles it does. Hello Mr Stewardman, you look smart in your nicely ironed uniform. Do you do that yourself? I'll have a Kit Kat please. Just the two fingered type, I can't mange four. Oh you are awful. No, I'd better not have anything to drink or I'll get the giggles. One gin & tonic and I'm anybody's.....chase me, chase me. Fiona, Fiona look at the clouds, like giant pieces of cotton wool aren't they..." Me Dad says that it's the first time he's ever been anywhere on a plane when he was actually hoping it was going to crash. And there has to be something very odd about someone that needs to go to the toilet three times during a 45 minute flight don't you think? He must have been to a Naval College breaking up party the night before I reckon. Still, we have an early contender for Turd of the Week.

Catatan popular daripada blog ini

Fucking Passwords

Create a password..... cabbage Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.... boiled cabbage Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. 1 boiled cabbage Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. 50fuckingboiledcabbages Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character. 50FUCKINGboiledcabbages Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively. 50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArse,IfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessImmediatelyYouTwats Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation. NowIAmGettingReallyPissedOff50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArseIfYou DontGiveMeAccessImmediatelyYouTwats Sorry, that password is already in use! See  Fucking phone calls too

My Mate Frank

Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...

Snow

Bloody snow, I hate the stuff. It snowed here on Saturday, which meant that my Sunday morning constitutional consisted of me running around Horseshoe Field at Conyngham bollock deep in the wretched white stuff tying to put on a display of pleasure for the two-leggeds. "Ah look at him, he loves snow," they'd say. "Look at him running and jumping around in it." Well you'd run and jump around if your bollocks were dangling in snow wouldn't you? Me poor little paws were frozen solid by the time we got back to the car. Pooh count: two, both of them "steamers" - in fact one of them was giving off so much vapour it reminded me of Drax power station, except a bit smaller and browner obviously. And it probably couldn't have powered 20,000 homes in Pontefract. A small pensioners bungalow maybe. As long as they didn't have all the lights on, and the bath running. They don't have many baths pensioners do they? One a month maybe, so the chances ...