Langkau ke kandungan utama

A Day In The Life

The kids are doing my head in with this good kid, bad kid thing. The problem seems to be that they both want to play bad kid most of the time. All they seem to do is moan constantly about how difficult school is. "It's not easy you know, you have to do lessons and everything and you're not even allowed to swear at the f***in teachers any more. Look at this mountain of homework I've got, it's going to take at least 15 minutes to sort my way through that pissing lot. You don't realise how hard it is. Look I've got to write my name there and then I've got to copy the answers that they've already given us onto there. The stress is feckin unbelievable. Oh, by the way, I'm staying at (insert random kids name here) on Friday and then we're going into town and to the pictures and ten pin bowling and then MacDonalds and the cinema and then I'm having my hair straightened/curled/styled at that new salon on town where you get a full head massage and as many cups of tea as you want. See that's how feckin stressed I am, I need to do all that just to unwind myself a little. Have we got any chocolate? You should be glad you're not (insert random kids name here) Mum/Dad he/she has been expelled/is expecting triplets/lives in isolation/shot the teacher today/gave (insert random kids name) a hand shandy in science. Christ if only you knew how hard things are for me. Up to here with stress I am. Can I have some money? What's for tea? Can all my mates come in, all of them, they'll be really quiet. Can they all have tea as well? What do you mean you haven't got fifteen portions on permanent standby. Christ you're useless. No wonder I'm stressed is it? Where's my hat/scarf/coat? What? I haven't done anything. Christ, chill out will you. You're a right stress head."

Catatan popular daripada blog ini

Fucking Passwords

Create a password..... cabbage Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.... boiled cabbage Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. 1 boiled cabbage Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. 50fuckingboiledcabbages Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character. 50FUCKINGboiledcabbages Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively. 50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArse,IfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessImmediatelyYouTwats Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation. NowIAmGettingReallyPissedOff50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArseIfYou DontGiveMeAccessImmediatelyYouTwats Sorry, that password is already in use! See  Fucking phone calls too
Baca lagi

My Mate Frank

Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...
Baca lagi

Snow

Bloody snow, I hate the stuff. It snowed here on Saturday, which meant that my Sunday morning constitutional consisted of me running around Horseshoe Field at Conyngham bollock deep in the wretched white stuff tying to put on a display of pleasure for the two-leggeds. "Ah look at him, he loves snow," they'd say. "Look at him running and jumping around in it." Well you'd run and jump around if your bollocks were dangling in snow wouldn't you? Me poor little paws were frozen solid by the time we got back to the car. Pooh count: two, both of them "steamers" - in fact one of them was giving off so much vapour it reminded me of Drax power station, except a bit smaller and browner obviously. And it probably couldn't have powered 20,000 homes in Pontefract. A small pensioners bungalow maybe. As long as they didn't have all the lights on, and the bath running. They don't have many baths pensioners do they? One a month maybe, so the chances ...
Baca lagi