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Fucking Cyclists (Quite Literally)

Who do the think they are? Arrogant lycra clad wankers, that's who they are. Just because the Tour de France is on the telly doesn't mean that you can hog the fucking road 16 abreast you know. Get to flying fucking fuck the lot of you and get a proper hobby. Have you ever noticed that these groups are almost exclusively male by the way? I mean there may be the odd female in there, she's probably a lezzer anyway so that doesn't count, but generally these twats clogging up the country's A roads and B roads on a Sunday morning are blokes. You can see where I'm heading here can't you? The reason they cycle so fast is that they're all fucking chasing each other and can't wait to get back to the fucking clubhouse where the real action takes place, if you know what I mean. Fuck this cycling malarky, let's get back to the showers for some proper fun. "Oh Frank, can you hep me off with my shorts, this lycra's gone right up me sweaty bum crack so it has and I think I need a bit of muscle to help extract it. Go on, tug it harder..Right lads, helmets on the table..swapsies all round.." The dirty fucking bastards. They're all a gang of fucking knob jockeys. They don't even have fucking seats on some of them bikes you know, you have a closer look next time you force one of the dirty twats off the road and into a fucking hedge. Licking your own balls is perfectly normal, I do it all the time, but somebody else's? Tour de France, Tour de Arse more fucking like.

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Fucking Passwords

Create a password..... cabbage Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.... boiled cabbage Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. 1 boiled cabbage Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. 50fuckingboiledcabbages Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character. 50FUCKINGboiledcabbages Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively. 50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArse,IfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessImmediatelyYouTwats Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation. NowIAmGettingReallyPissedOff50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArseIfYou DontGiveMeAccessImmediatelyYouTwats Sorry, that password is already in use! See  Fucking phone calls too
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My Mate Frank

Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...
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Snow

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