Bleedin' Teachers, Bake Off And Spun Bastard Sugar

And another thing, if I was a kid due in school this morning I wouldn't bother me arse going in. When the teacher says tomorrow "where were you then yesterday?" I'd simply look at her incredulous and say "well you fuckin started it Miss." Me Dad says that he always used to tell his kids that if ever they were late for school he'd beat the shit out of them, take all their dinner money off them and die their hair ginger. Harsh but fair, that's what he is. This was back in his teaching days of course. Did anyone see Bake Off last night? I only watch it to see if Mary Berry is still alive. I can't stand the lecherous look on that Hollywood bloke's face as he says, salivating "you're little macaroon's are lovely, Ruby" and stuff like that. The big queer bloke got voted off. No surprises there then, his suet pudding looked like a four tonne pooh. That took the smirk off Hollywood's face. He did try and disguise it with a bit of spun sugar though, just to show a bit of willing like. I might try that next time me Dad takes me down the park. That other twat, what's his name, James Bastard Martin that's it. He does that spun sugar thing doesn't he? I fucking hate him. Spun bastard sugar on everything round at his fucking house. "More tea vicar? I'll just pop this bit of spun sugar on the top there for you...there you go, looks just Jim Dandy that doesn't it your reverence?" The fuckin tart. I know what I'd like to put on top of his apple crumble, and it isn't a dollop of spun sugar neither...woof.