Langkau ke kandungan utama

Clangers And Popular Misconceptions

Is it any fucking coincidence that on the same day that Joe Public can start selling his Royal Mail shares at a nice fat profit, proving that the government woefully underestimated their value, that the BBC also announce that the Clangers is coming back on our tellies? I don't think so. And here's another thing, they say that electric kettles boil water don't they? Me Dad says that the police took some convincing that he was just testing this theory when he chucked one into the bath when his first missus was in there. And another, 'nother thing, if electricity always follows the path of least resistance, then why doesn't lightning only strike in France? I'm home alone again today, they've fucked off to "work" as they call it. Just me and me blanket that smells of shit, I'm not sleeping on that fucking stinky thing. They never wash it you know, the dirty bastards. Covered in fucking hair it is as well, I think the teenager is moulting or something. Then there was piss on the kitchen floor this morning when they came downstairs and they fucking all looked at me. There's four of us in this fucking house, but they just leap to conclusions that it must have been me. They probably think that I'm making me own blanket stink of shit and putting me own fucking hairs on it, the morons. They treat me like a fucking dog in this house. Still, I heard me Dad saying that it's steak for tea, although me Dad tends to over season his, I mean ours, to my mind. Then we've got Downton on catch up from Sunday to watch yet, I love a steak followed by a good period drama me. Hang on, gotta go. here's Stumpy the Postman....

Catatan popular daripada blog ini

Fucking Passwords

Create a password..... cabbage Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.... boiled cabbage Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. 1 boiled cabbage Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. 50fuckingboiledcabbages Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character. 50FUCKINGboiledcabbages Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively. 50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArse,IfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessImmediatelyYouTwats Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation. NowIAmGettingReallyPissedOff50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArseIfYou DontGiveMeAccessImmediatelyYouTwats Sorry, that password is already in use! See  Fucking phone calls too
Baca lagi

My Mate Frank

Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...
Baca lagi

Snow

Bloody snow, I hate the stuff. It snowed here on Saturday, which meant that my Sunday morning constitutional consisted of me running around Horseshoe Field at Conyngham bollock deep in the wretched white stuff tying to put on a display of pleasure for the two-leggeds. "Ah look at him, he loves snow," they'd say. "Look at him running and jumping around in it." Well you'd run and jump around if your bollocks were dangling in snow wouldn't you? Me poor little paws were frozen solid by the time we got back to the car. Pooh count: two, both of them "steamers" - in fact one of them was giving off so much vapour it reminded me of Drax power station, except a bit smaller and browner obviously. And it probably couldn't have powered 20,000 homes in Pontefract. A small pensioners bungalow maybe. As long as they didn't have all the lights on, and the bath running. They don't have many baths pensioners do they? One a month maybe, so the chances ...
Baca lagi