Fuck me, yet another load of TV tosh to view, This time it's NOT the Great British Bake Off, it's JUNIOR Bake Off!
Who the hell needs to see someone's else's little brat showing off their cooking skills?
Here's a run down of the contestants.
Alfie Suggs aged 3, he loves beans, every meal features beans. Likes to smear his dinner in his hair and on his face.
Tristram Ffforbes-Smyth Rhys-Mogg aged 5, calls the servant when he wants his dinner. Foie Gras, Beluga Caviar, Oven Roasted Pheasant with Quail eggs, that sort of thing.
Chelsea-Marie aged 3; Nevers eats anything until she's screamed herself hoarse for 10 minutes first. Sulks in the corner.
etc
Who makes these programs up? Junior Bake Off, Britain's Got Toddler Talent. Or Infant War Reporter; where plucky 5 year olds visit war torn Sudan, and report direct from the front line with Eritrea.
There's enough shite on TV already without adding Junior Toddler Chef to the list.
Sadly in Episode 1 little Alfie shit himself - both literally and metaphorically - when faced with the Technical Challenge. It didn't involve beans, so he had a hissy fit moment. Sadly he missed the Showstopper round, as he was still having his nappy changed.
Tristram won Star Baker although to be fair it was his personal butler Chives, who did all the baking whilst Tristram played the Stock Market on his iPad. He's gone offshore just like daddy.
Woof!