Nothing makes my uncle's heart sink faster then when his other half produces the Paint Chart.
Then she utters the immortal words, - "I think that would look good in the new kitchen". Then she points her finger to a small square on the chart, and he squints at it trying feign interest.
"What colour is that?" he says innocently.
"Elephants Breath" she says, as if it fuckin obvious. Well no it's no obvious at all, I assume an elephant when it exhales doesn't show off its breath, since its baking hot in Africa and India - which is where they come from after all.
"Penguins Breath" yeah maybe you've got an outside chance of seeing that, in the icy wastes. Elephants Breath? It's probably pale shade of grey.
Who makes this shit up?
Here are some genuine colours from the chart ...
- Downpipe
- Drab
- Railings
- Ammonite
- Biscuit
- Foreskin
- Minge
- Polecat Grey
- Inner Tube
Oh no; she's getting the curtain material swatches out next.
Dear God, please end it all now.
Woof!