Went for a walk in the park with me Dad today and we saw a poster on a tree saying: "This is a photograph of our much loved dog which went missing last Tuesday. If found please call us." So me Dad phoned them up and said, "I've just found a photograph of your dog!"  He's crazy, it's just one mad laugh a minute round here. That's what he thinks anyway, the sad fat get. Boring as fuck, that's the reality of my sad and lonely existence. It's got even worse since he went on a diet. Why, for fucks sake, when other people go on a diet do the immediately put everyone around them on a diet too? You want to see the meagre portions he dishes up for me at night now, a motley handful of biscuits and a bit of leftover chicken, that's all I'm getting. It's no wonder I have to eat shit when we go for walkies is it? I'm bloody ravenous. I'm contemplating ripping me bean bag apart just to see if by any chance there's some actual real b...