My uncle went for a prostate cancer examination a while back. "How BAD can this be he thought to himself?" His mood no doubt cheered by the selection of skittish and girly nurses attending him. One in particular caught his eye, she said she was Thai. "Don't worry Mr Norris it's normal to get an erection during this process" she reassured him. "I haven't got an erection nurse" he replied. "I know she said ... but I have". Woof.

Baa Baa Black sheep have you any wool? Yes I have, but what's my ethnic diversity got to do with it? Actually I'm half Herdwick so technically I'm an Off White sheep. One for The Master ... He's very strict like that Harvey Proctor bloke from Eton. They found him cavorting about in some fishnet tights, with 3 boy scouts and with an orange stuffed up his arse. And One for The Dame ... I say Dame actually she used to be a lad called Simon ! Then he disappeared off to Thailand and came back as Simone. It still looks like a bloke in a dress to me. She's got a cock though - so, you have been warned. And One for the Little Boy who skips down the lane ... Young Tristram is just becoming aware of his bisexuality; and makes a lovely cappuccino. He lives in Nantwich with his pet, a kitten called Mitzi - bless.

I'm delighted to announce that TOMMY KNOCKER has been promoted to head of diversity and colleague engagement at Nogger's Dog's Blog. We're a broad church at Nogger's Dog's Blog - and seeing as the thicko has spent most of 2017 trying to knob me I reckon he's ideally placed to comment on Lesbian, Gay, Bi and Transgender issues. So, no matter if you're a Lesbian, a Rent Boy, or you can't decide if you're Arthur or Martha like THAT Lily Savage bloke. Post away - you'll get a warm hand on your entrance - woof