Is doing my head in. I used to actually quite like the guy but the teenager has been playing "You're beautiful" over and over again this week and now I find his voice only marginally less irritating than Joe Pasquale's. That puts him in the running for a turd of the week award, although I think that overtly gay teenagers look likely to finish top of the table this week. Which is strange as they're normally likely to be found down near the bottom. Or "and finally bringing up the rear, in the colours of Sir Elton John, pink with a brown cap, we have Rampant Fudge Packer," as John McCririck would say.

Me Dad tells me that his weekend trip to Ireland was somewhat spoilt by an overtly camp and gobby 17 year old-ish passenger sat next but one to him who provided a loud running commentary on everything that was happening around him for the whole trip. "Look there's the sea. Oh, look there's the beach, I love to feel the warm sun caressing my naked body, I do. Isn't it amazing that one of these things can get off the ground? Oh, it makes my tummy go all funny just thinking about it. Gives me the right collywobbles it does. Hello Mr Stewardman, you look smart in your nicely ironed uniform. Do you do that yourself? I'll have a Kit Kat please. Just the two fingered type, I can't mange four. Oh you are awful. No, I'd better not have anything to drink or I'll get the giggles. One gin & tonic and I'm anybody's.....chase me, chase me. Fiona, Fiona look at the clouds, like giant pieces of cotton wool aren't they..." Me Dad says that it's