I heard that Prime Minister, Boris Johnson is on the lookout for a rescue dog. Well I'm delighted to announce that well known bottom sniffer - Tommy - 'The Nut Job' - is immediately available. Apparently this could put Larry The Cat's nose - or should that be paws? - out of joint. Well fuck Larry The Cat. He can take his Twitter campaign and shove it where the sun don't shine. Boris likes it doggy style - allegedly - so a pooch could well suit him. I wonder what he'll call it. Based on his past form it'll be something unpronounceable. His first missus was named Allegra Mostyn-Owen, and his next was the vaguely sensible Marina Wheeler. Allegra, then Marina - fuck me - it sounds like he has a car fetish for British Leyland. One of his many other 'bits on the side' was called - Petronella Wyatt. So he obviously likes 'em posh, with a public school background. New girlfriend Carrie Symonds has moved in to Number Ten. She looks like she kn...