Dereck Chisora goes to the doctors to get a thorough check up before his next fight. A few days later the doctor rings him up and says "Dereck, I'm sorry to have to inform you that you've got sugar diabetes." Dereck replies, "Why, is he any good?" Woof.

Asleep on me beanbag in a bit of spring sunshine this am I let go a fart pretty impressive even by my high standards. "Blimey that stinks, what's he been eating?" me Mum asked me Dad. "Well, he scoffed a load of cranberries whilst out on his walk this morning, so it must be that," me Dad replied. "Well waft it away will you, you don't have to let it linger." said me Mum. I almost forgot to congratulate Liverpool on winning the Carling Cup, their first trophy for six years at the weekend. That's a bit like pulling Anne Widdecombe on your first night out after being inside for a six stretch isn't it? Woof.

Terribly sad, didn't know anything about it until I saw it on the news last night, then I saw his face, now I a bereaver. Woof...

Today is the 29th of Feb....the '366th' day in the year. Your salary is based on 365 days in the year therefore you are all working for nothing today. I on the other hand will spend the day lording it in my bean bag. You muppets. Pooh count: three, one of which I rolled in, just because I fancied it. Me Dad was less than amused to find it all over his hand just before he was about to eat his morning bacon butty mind, but hey, shit happens.