Comfortably winning this week's Turd of the Week award is British Airways who can look forward to receiving one of my finest through the post any day now. The cheeky buggers made me Dad pay twice to fly back from Ukraine on Friday after claiming that his original return flight booking was invalid for some reason that they could only explain in Ukrainian. He's not famed for his multi-linguistic abilities me Dad, he can just about order a beer in most languages but after that most things are beyond his capabilities. Clearly when faced with a grim looking female shot-putter in a British Airways blouse saying "computer says niet" thirty minutes before he was due to depart was somewhat un-nerving for the poor sod. I will try and get a copy of his letter of complaint to BA and post it up here for your further amusement next week. That could be quite colorful I sense, judging on his demeanour when he finally did arrive home. He said that if we had a cat he'd kick it. Unf...

Me Dad tells me he was dragged out for breakfast down by the River Nidd on Sunday morning to a well-known cafe with delightful panoramic views. The odd rowing boat gliding past, a few ducks swimming by in the morning sunshine. What could be a more idyllic British Sunday morning scene to enjoy than that I hear you ask, whilst waiting for your breakfast to arrive. It was when breakfast finally did arrive that the problems started. At 11am I'd have thought that "a bacon bun and a cup of tea" would be just that. £5.75 for a bacon bun IS undoubtedly a bit toppy, but he decided to let it go on this occasion. Well, what he couldn't let go of, evidently, is a bacon bun accompanied by slices of strawberry, melon, orange and lettuce drizzled in some fancy lah-di-dah vinaigrette with a side order of chips. Chips, who ordered chips, who eats chips at 11am? And strawberry, melon, orange and bacon? The dirty bastards.