Watching the highlights of Euro 2012 last night, I found myself wondering "what the fuck is this intro all about?" Is this a sneak preview of the Olympic opening ceremony? And are they supposed to be subbuteo players or what? And has anyone else thought is that Roy Hodgson or Windy Miller? And if it is the new England manager does that mean that Roy Hodgson is tupping Mrs Honeycomb? I bet that the Sun would love to get hold of the pictures of that, with John Terry lurking in the background waiting for his turn. And is James Milner actually the illegitimate son of a Roy Hodgson/Mrs Honeycomb "dalliance" that poor old Windy Miller thinks is his, and that there was just a bit of a spelling mistake at the register office? And does that explain why Roy keeps picking his bastard son to play for England even though he's total shite? Just call me Poirot the Wonderdog. Pooh count: three, two James Milners and a John Barnes.