This teacher wanker says to Little Johnny "If I give you two cats, then another two cats and then another two cats, how many cats would you have?" (Personally I can't see why the fuck Johnny or anybody else would want even one cat, the lazy, idle fuckers, but go with me on this one) "7!" says Little Johnny. The teacher sighs (they're lazy, idle fuckers as well aren't they? I can only assume that all this happened on one of the rare days when the twats were in work and not on strike). "No Johnny. I give you two cats, then another two cats and then another two cats, so how many cats do you have?" Johnny is already starting to get bored of this fucking stupid line of questioning and feels like saying "My Dad says you're a load of lazy, idle twats, Sir" but he doesn't "7!" he repeats hopefully. The teacher sighs again and gives Johnny his "you're going to end up flipping burgers in McDonalds or collecting the tr...

Have you seen it? Heard of it? It was in the papers at the weekend. It's a new programme on Channel 4 where people "have sex live on TV"  (you don't actually watch them that would be rude, they go into this kind of opaque box thing in the studio - a bit like the tardis but with nipple clamps) and then discuss it afterwards with a panel of experts. It's presented by Mariella Frostrup, or the thinking man's totty as me Dad calls her. So, me Mum's gone to bed, me Dad's channel surfing, and spots that Sex Box is on. So he thinks "well what harm can it do to have a little peek, in the interests of research, like" and up pops Mariella, who sounds to be like she's recovering from a heavy cold and need to get a couple of Lemsip Max Strength's down her neck sharpish if you ask me, but this huskiness is apparently part of her appeal. So Mariella is wrapping up with thanks very much to Martin and Sarah (I can't remember their exact names, gi...