Always wears sunglasses because he's got glaucoma, he tells us. That explains why he still hasn't found what he's looking for then doesn't it? In other news, Sheffield United have announced that they are to offer Oscar Pistorious a contract when he gets out. Michael McIntyre apparently stormed off stage in a full blown hissy fit because a woman on the front row wouldn't get off her mobile phone. Which is a bit harsh, as she was only trying to find out what time the comedian came on. Bored bastard shitless I am and it's 5 fucking hours to tea time yet as well. Overheard me Mum and Dad talking about getting another dog yesterday. The fucking cheek of it, am I not good enough for them? I hope it's not a puppy, I'm no Rolf Harris. Talking of which, what do you call a bus full of child molesters? The Radio One Roadshow. I just made that one up. Here's another. Knock, knock. Who's there? Deja. Deja who? Knock, knock. Repeat 19 times. I told you I was b...