Out for a walk in the park with me Dad this morning we saw this poor old lady take a terrible fall near the bandstand. Well, when I saw she was poor, we assume that she was poor as she only had £1.20 in her purse. That's not going to buy me many biscuits is it? Woof. Pooh count: just the one, I can't really be bothered today. We chucked it over next door, where the cats live, just to see how long it takes them to get the message. Me Dad's been specially training me to do aerodynamic ones. We put an ice lolly stick through the middle and away she goes. Around 6 metres is our personal best so far, which I'm quite proud of really, from a standing start so to speak. There's plans afoot to build some sort of launching pad involving a heavy duty elastic band and a couple of sturdy posts if the cats persist with their night time shit sniping, I'll keep you posted on that one, no pun intended. Me Dad has apparently written to the British Olympic Committee to see if ther...

Or have you two leggeds also had enough of  this pissing bastard rain? I've got four fucking feet to get wet, so I'm twice as pissed off with the whole sorry bastard pissed wet through situation than you are. I blame Cameron & Clegg. Not so much a pair of wet lettuces as a couple of pissed wet through lettuces. We all fucking knew what was bastard coming the second we were declared to be in an official drought didn't we? Run the country? They couldn't run a pissing raffle them two. Not that I'm a fan of Millibands either, I'd rather gnaw off me own paw than have that shallow bastard in charge. I didn't vote any of them in so I don't see why I should have to put up with it. Spain may be in the shit, fair play to them, but at least they don't have to put up with it coming down like fucking stair rods for a month do they? Oh no, they can have a nice siesta in the sun whilst they're waiting for the dole cheque to come can't they. We haven...