Said that his ex missus once asked him how many women he'd slept with to which he replied "Only you darling, I stayed awake with all the others as they were exciting in bed." To which she said told him to pack his bags and fuck off and that she hoped he'd die a slow and painful death. He said "make your fucking mind up, one minute you want me to leave and the next you want me to stay." I can't vouch for the truth of this story obviously, it's just what the lying fat get told me. I'm still not convinced that he ever did fly spitfires during the war or play right half for Everton either. Back to the tunnel...

Fucking great aren't they? Why do kids drop them, that's what I wanna know? And when the soft fuckers have dropped them, why don't they pick them up and eat them? I mean, they've only been on the floor for fuck's sake. The answer to why they don't pick them up and eat them is 'cos their Mum tells them not to. "That's dirty Chantelle, leave it alone and eat your ice cream, your crisps, or this family size bag of tangfastics, or have a slurp of your Coke and a Mars Bar." Chantelle is of course a fat fucker, just like her Mum, who smells strangely of fish, and is sweating like a glass blower's arse. If Chantelle had dropped her fruit pastille on the carpet at home then there'd probably be cause for a trip to A&E, but this is the pavement, it's a clean as a fucking whistle compared to Billingsgate Betty's house. She's huffing and puffing away trying to push the pram up a massive 0.00001 degree incline, with an arse the size ...