Me Dad says his dander was well and truly got this morning after he saw a news story mentioned on Twitter that caught his eye. "EU wheat crops 2014 expects 2% rise compared to 2013" was the headline. Link here (if you can't see/click on the link it's all to do with HTML 5, so you can copy and paste this into your browser window: http://agri.eu/eu-wheat-crops-2014-expects-2-rise-compared-to-2013-news5707.html). Was there anything in the story that he didn't know already, he wondered? Alas there was NOTHING in there that he didn't know already, seeing as he wrote the fucking bastard thing himself just yesterday! To top off the whole thing the fucking dirty robbing Johnny Foreigner plagiarist stink monkeys have gone and stuck a fucking copyright notice at the foot of it! They come over here, stealing our market reports...If I had a vote, I'd be voting Nigel Farage after this.

Let down badly by me Mum and Dad as usual, fuck all sign of anything chocolately. The day was however well and truly saved by me old reliable muckers, Thomas Bell & Sons of Brigg, the country's premier fertiliser suppliers, who very kindly sent me a box of pigs ears to keep me from wasting away. Other than that there was fuck all of any significance to report. David Moyes is getting an extra long Easter break, I see. Ryan Giggs has been put in charge of United's "affairs" until the end of the season, as he's a bit of an expert in that particular department. Giggs told Sky Sports that he was delighted to be able to follow in the footsteps of his all-time hero Tommy Docherty. The interviewer said "surely you mean Sir Alex Ferguson?" Giggs replied "Why? Was he knobbing the physio's wife as well?" Woof.