Let down badly by me Mum and Dad as usual, fuck all sign of anything chocolately. The day was however well and truly saved by me old reliable muckers, Thomas Bell & Sons of Brigg, the country's premier fertiliser suppliers, who very kindly sent me a box of pigs ears to keep me from wasting away. Other than that there was fuck all of any significance to report. David Moyes is getting an extra long Easter break, I see. Ryan Giggs has been put in charge of United's "affairs" until the end of the season, as he's a bit of an expert in that particular department. Giggs told Sky Sports that he was delighted to be able to follow in the footsteps of his all-time hero Tommy Docherty. The interviewer said "surely you mean Sir Alex Ferguson?" Giggs replied "Why? Was he knobbing the physio's wife as well?" Woof.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...