What sort of twat sees a sign that says "keep left" and thinks "fuck that, that sign isn't there for my benefit, it's for these other twats, I'm keeping fucking right as I may get where I want to be a quarter of a fucking nanosecond early if I do that?" Half the bastard population of York fucking railway station is the answer to that particular conundrum. The cheeky arrogant fuckers. "Fuck off and die old harridan, I'm important and you are shit on my shoe."

Why, oh why do the BBBastardC allow this brainless fucking clothes horse to read the news? A more shitter newsreader I've yet to see. DONG. Hundreds of women and children killed in Syrian chemical weapons attack. But let's not dwell on that. Look at my fucking ACE new jacket. Yes, I know what you're thinking, and you're right, it IS a Stella McCartney. And get this. Fucking get a fucking load of this. It was FREE! Yes, fucking gratis. When you're a celeb like me you just get given stuff like this given to you for fucking nowt! Look, look at the shoes. Jimmy Fucking Choo they are. And another fucking freebie. Oh, when I was poor, like you lot, I used to lie awake at night just yearning for a pair of fucking Jimmy Choo's and now I've got a cupboard full of the fuckers! Aren't I simply ACE? Where was I? Oh yes the news. DONG. Thousands of people on the Somerset Levels are homeless tonight as flood waters rise to new highs. Serves the fuckers right I say. Th...