The profiteering wankers. What we do in our house is me Dad pops round to McDonalds on his way home from work for one of their apple pies, and the inside contents of that is so fucking molten hot that we can switch the heating off and comfortably keep warm sat round that for at least three days. This also works with a microwaved bacon roll for anyone travelling on Virgin Trains too. Woof...

Is it any fucking coincidence that on the same day that Joe Public can start selling his Royal Mail shares at a nice fat profit, proving that the government woefully underestimated their value, that the BBC also announce that the Clangers is coming back on our tellies? I don't think so. And here's another thing, they say that electric kettles boil water don't they? Me Dad says that the police took some convincing that he was just testing this theory when he chucked one into the bath when his first missus was in there. And another, 'nother thing, if electricity always follows the path of least resistance, then why doesn't lightning only strike in France? I'm home alone again today, they've fucked off to "work" as they call it. Just me and me blanket that smells of shit, I'm not sleeping on that fucking stinky thing. They never wash it you know, the dirty bastards. Covered in fucking hair it is as well, I think the teenager is moulting or somethi...