Once again accosted by the Bichon Frisé nymphettes Ella and Maisie in the Valley Gardens this morning. What is a boy to do? Like I've said before what can you do when these young things with their bits in all the right places are literally throwing themselves at you? Once Ella gets going trying to stop her is like attempting to put toothpaste back in the tube, you know what I'm saying. Hence my empathy with poor old Ryan Jiggety Jig Giggs. I have to say that the last person in the world you would expect to kiss and tell would be a low IQ fame-hungry ex-Big Brother contestant and former Nuts Magazine topless model. Pooh count, just the one, but what a whopper. Reminded me of a Mr Whippy ice cream it did, except without the nuts. And a different colour obviously.

Me Dad said to the barman "Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps." The barman said "That's not funny." Me Dad said "I know, it's crap isn't it." Greece, eh? They got bills, they're multiplying, and they're losing control...Pooh count, three, one curly wurly and a couple of kit kats...smokin...

If you say "Jesus" backwards it sounds like "sausage" - pooh count a shocking "nil points" so far this morning, I think I must be coming down with something.....

Had a nice walk into Knaresborough with me Dad yesterday. That's about a four miler that is. The thing with a long one like that is that you need to make you own amusement on the way or it gets a bit boring. I elected to start off with a game of snudge for some of the way. Snudge involves rubbing your wet nose against the back of your Dads leg, the one that houses the pocket that houses the biscuit that you are going to get when you get to the other end. That's about all there is to it really, there's not much more than that. Obviously it's only effective if he's got shorts on. You don't bother otherwise, he needs to feel that wet nose on the back of his leg you see, it reassures him that you're there. After that we played "Where is he?" That's a bit more complicated. What you do is you pull like mad on the lead for about half a mile or so, until it drives him mental. Then you stop and then start dragging on the lead for about another half mile...