Once again accosted by the Bichon Frisé nymphettes Ella and Maisie in the Valley Gardens this morning. What is a boy to do? Like I've said before what can you do when these young things with their bits in all the right places are literally throwing themselves at you? Once Ella gets going trying to stop her is like attempting to put toothpaste back in the tube, you know what I'm saying. Hence my empathy with poor old Ryan Jiggety Jig Giggs. I have to say that the last person in the world you would expect to kiss and tell would be a low IQ fame-hungry ex-Big Brother contestant and former Nuts Magazine topless model. Pooh count, just the one, but what a whopper. Reminded me of a Mr Whippy ice cream it did, except without the nuts. And a different colour obviously.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...