I see that the BBC are reporting that that Facebook juror got eight months for contempt. I reckon she got off lightly looking like that, she could have slapped a bit of makeup on or something couldn't she? Put me right off my tea she did. I only ate it 'cos it was sausages. She's no oil painting that's for sure, and if she was it'd be a Jackson Pollock. Urgh, I may not sleep tonight just thinking about it...

Nearly had one in the park this morning, hate the little bastards. Grey squirrels obviously. Another useless American invention they are. My mate Spike tells me that they're great for cleaning winnets off though, so I'm planning on giving it a go. Me Mum has got an aloe vera plant on the windowsill in the kitchen so I'm planning on rubbing a bit of that in and see how I get on. I'll keep you posted. Meanwhile Ryan Giggs and his brother walk into a bar. Ryan says to the barman, "I'll have whatever he's having..."

I see that the teachers have voted overwhelmingly in favour of strike action starting on June 30th, the lazy gang of bastards. Not content with having to wait a whole six weeks until they get a full six weeks off they've decided to make a bit of an early start on things. Me Dad says that they're about as much use as a fart in a spacesuit the lot of them, and I can see where he's coming from. And another thing "teacher training days" what's all that about? If they were any bloody good they wouldn't need training would they? If I had kids, and I don't as I'm a dog, then I think I'd quite like mine to go to a school where the teachers were already trained. I mean you wouldn't want to get on an aeroplane to find that the guy in charge was having a "pilot training day" would you? Pooh count, just a brace so far, but it's not even dinner time yet.

Have more in common than you might think. Accosted by those hot nymphs, the Bichon Frisé bitches Ella and Maisie for a bit of no holes barred fun and frolics whilst walking round the Valley Gardens again this morning. They simply can't get enough of me. Fame you see, that's what it is that drives females horny. Even David Blunkett is apparently fighting women off with the proverbial excrement covered stick (a white one in his case of course - the stick not the pooh, you simply don't see it in white anymore do you). I bet even his dog is no stranger to a bit of "strange" tail, once the girls in the park recognise him off the telly. I'm reliably informed by me Dad that Shep off Blue Peter was the canine equivalent of Georgie Best. Crufts winners, he had them all, even a threesome with a couple of royal corgis on the bandstand in Hyde Park I understand. Fame is a heady aphrodisiac. And I've got it. Pooh count: a weight relieving four.