Nearly had one in the park this morning, hate the little bastards. Grey squirrels obviously. Another useless American invention they are. My mate Spike tells me that they're great for cleaning winnets off though, so I'm planning on giving it a go. Me Mum has got an aloe vera plant on the windowsill in the kitchen so I'm planning on rubbing a bit of that in and see how I get on. I'll keep you posted. Meanwhile Ryan Giggs and his brother walk into a bar. Ryan says to the barman, "I'll have whatever he's having..."
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...