My canine cup runneth over. Not only is there "a new bitch in town" but me Dad came home from work with a parcel for me last night! Me bezzie mates, Thomas Bell of Brigg, the country's leading fertiliser importers, have sent me a doggie advent calendar! I've never had one of those before, so I'm not really sure what to do with it. I think that maybe there's a selection of little doggie treats in there, this is obviously my December 1st calendar, so I assume that the Dec 2-24 calendars will arrive one by one as the special day draws ever nearer. I'm so excited, I'm shaking like a shitting greyhound. They also sent me a proper calendar for me bedroom wall, and bugger me rigid, what's on the front page but a picture of Staithes, up the coast from Whitby. And where am I going for Christmas? Yup, I'm taking the humans to Staithes. I'll be warming me Dad's hands by doing my festive dump on that very beach on the big day. Gives you a warm glow...

Wooohoooo, guess who's moved in 3 doors up? Trixie the 9 week old Border Terrier! OK, 9 weeks is a bit young for erm, you know what. I mean I'm not that bloke out of the LostProphets or anything. I intend to do the decent thing and leave that sort of malarkey until she's about 6 months or so. For now though we can still proceed with her "training" - in much the same way that me Dad trains me Mum. She's already been to the vets for eating shite apparently. The pup that is, not me Mum. Her cooking isn't THAT bad. Big mistake just diving in and eating shite. Never just go straight in and fill your boots, when you can roll in it first and then eat it. The first thing they teach you in Border Terrier Club that is. Also she will need some instruction on how to play stick. Run after the thing and fetch it by all means, just don't bring the fucker back or they'll only throw it again for you. What's the fucking point of that? You've fetched it, so i...