My canine cup runneth over. Not only is there "a new bitch in town" but me Dad came home from work with a parcel for me last night! Me bezzie mates, Thomas Bell of Brigg, the country's leading fertiliser importers, have sent me a doggie advent calendar! I've never had one of those before, so I'm not really sure what to do with it. I think that maybe there's a selection of little doggie treats in there, this is obviously my December 1st calendar, so I assume that the Dec 2-24 calendars will arrive one by one as the special day draws ever nearer. I'm so excited, I'm shaking like a shitting greyhound. They also sent me a proper calendar for me bedroom wall, and bugger me rigid, what's on the front page but a picture of Staithes, up the coast from Whitby. And where am I going for Christmas? Yup, I'm taking the humans to Staithes. I'll be warming me Dad's hands by doing my festive dump on that very beach on the big day. Gives you a warm glow inside doesn't it? Ah, things are certainly looking up, 2015 could be my year!
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...