Watching the highlights of Euro 2012 last night, I found myself wondering "what the fuck is this intro all about?" Is this a sneak preview of the Olympic opening ceremony? And are they supposed to be subbuteo players or what? And has anyone else thought is that Roy Hodgson or Windy Miller? And if it is the new England manager does that mean that Roy Hodgson is tupping Mrs Honeycomb? I bet that the Sun would love to get hold of the pictures of that, with John Terry lurking in the background waiting for his turn. And is James Milner actually the illegitimate son of a Roy Hodgson/Mrs Honeycomb "dalliance" that poor old Windy Miller thinks is his, and that there was just a bit of a spelling mistake at the register office? And does that explain why Roy keeps picking his bastard son to play for England even though he's total shite? Just call me Poirot the Wonderdog. Pooh count: three, two James Milners and a John Barnes.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...