Comfortably winning this week's Turd of the Week award is British Airways who can look forward to receiving one of my finest through the post any day now. The cheeky buggers made me Dad pay twice to fly back from Ukraine on Friday after claiming that his original return flight booking was invalid for some reason that they could only explain in Ukrainian. He's not famed for his multi-linguistic abilities me Dad, he can just about order a beer in most languages but after that most things are beyond his capabilities. Clearly when faced with a grim looking female shot-putter in a British Airways blouse saying "computer says niet" thirty minutes before he was due to depart was somewhat un-nerving for the poor sod. I will try and get a copy of his letter of complaint to BA and post it up here for your further amusement next week. That could be quite colorful I sense, judging on his demeanour when he finally did arrive home. He said that if we had a cat he'd kick it. Unfortunately we don't, so I'm sorry to say that Muffy the guinea pig took one hell of a pasting last night.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...