I didn't LOSE the TV remote !

Donald Trump was involved in yet another controversy today when it was revealed that he's lost the remote control for the telly.

I WANNA MAKE IT CLEAR.

I DIDN'T LOSE THE REMOTE FOR THE TELLY - MELANIA STOLE IT FROM ME.

I phoned the TV shop and spoke in person to the governor. I said - "I just need you to find me a remote for the telly".

"I want you to have another look for it, I'm pretty certain that I had it last and now Melania's stolen it from me".

"Check down the side of the sofa, or in her handbag. It could be anywhere. I had it, it was in my grasp, I was watching TV; seeing me being great. It was beautiful. We were ready."

Next thing I knew, the remote was gone, and I woke up with the Shopping Channel on.

Woof! #stopthesteal

Glasto

You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to back to fetch it.

my Mum, your Dad

It's a new reality show FFS Endless permutations My Mum, your Dad My Mum, your Mum My Dad, your Dad My Mum, my Dad + your Dad My Mum, your Mum + your Dad Stay woof

it's bin day

I love a by election but only for the nutters who stand in them. I expected the Monster Raving Loony Party but there's a new kid on the block ... Count Binface. So i've been inspired to stand myself as his buddy, Count Benny of Thejets. Just like my inspiration Sir Elton, I'm still standing. My policies include:- Lowering taxes on dog food Campaigning for more poo bins Compulsory banning of cats Gotta go, I ate something 'dodgy' earlier in the park and I think I'm about to lose my deposit! Stay woof

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