Would people queue for hours to panic buy pissing stamps. Only in Britain would the Post Office ration the number of stamps that people could buy. And only in Britain would the newspapers fill themselves up with full page stories about it for Christ's sake. "Colin, 34, from Basildon said he'd camped outside the Post Office in sub-zero temperatures all night just to buy two dozen first class stamps. I'd have bought more if they'd let me, he said defiantly." What a tosser, haven't these incredibly sad bastards got better things to do? These are the same arseholes that were stopping normal people getting petrol just a couple of weeks ago. "The car's full, but I've got six empty pickle jars and a couple of empty Sainsbury's bags here." Pooh count: two, just five minutes apart they were yet completely different colours and consistencies. Nature is truly amazing isn't it?
You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to back to fetch it.