That nice Mr Stormzy

I see Mr Stormzy has been in the news this week. What do you get when you are Britain's top selling rap or grime artiste?

A date with a blonde leggy model?
A threesome date with two blonde leggy models?
Guaranteed top billing at Glastonbury for 2020?
Sellout UK tour across the mega-domes of Britain?
a Damian Hirst stab vest emblazoned with the Union Jack on the front?

No Mr Stormzy doesn't want any of that; what he wants is a fuckin' Greggs pastie!

Yes the ultimate accolade for any self-respecting Grime artist is a piping hot Greggs vegan bake delivered personally to his star trailer at 4.00 am in the morning by some flunky.

Not only will he beating off leggy models in the early hours; he'll be covered in fuckin flaky pastry as well. Their pastry never stays put does it? One bite and it's all over the bleeding place. Anyways, all he has to do now is produce his Black Concierge card and they'll deliver to his front door.

Thomas Bell of Brigg take note. I'm tired of throwing hints their way. If Mr Stormzy qualifies for a pastie, then they they need a similar arrangement for me.

Woof!

Glasto

You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to back to fetch it.

my Mum, your Dad

It's a new reality show FFS Endless permutations My Mum, your Dad My Mum, your Mum My Dad, your Dad My Mum, my Dad + your Dad My Mum, your Mum + your Dad Stay woof

it's bin day

I love a by election but only for the nutters who stand in them. I expected the Monster Raving Loony Party but there's a new kid on the block ... Count Binface. So i've been inspired to stand myself as his buddy, Count Benny of Thejets. Just like my inspiration Sir Elton, I'm still standing. My policies include:- Lowering taxes on dog food Campaigning for more poo bins Compulsory banning of cats Gotta go, I ate something 'dodgy' earlier in the park and I think I'm about to lose my deposit! Stay woof

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