I see Mr Stormzy has been in the news this week. What do you get when you are Britain's top selling rap or grime artiste?
- A date with a blonde leggy model?
- A threesome date with two blonde leggy models?
- Guaranteed top billing at Glastonbury for 2020?
- Sellout UK tour across the mega-domes of Britain?
- a Damian Hirst stab vest emblazoned with the Union Jack on the front?
No Mr Stormzy doesn't want any of that; what he wants is a fuckin' Greggs pastie!
Yes the ultimate accolade for any self-respecting Grime artist is a piping hot Greggs vegan bake delivered personally to his star trailer at 4.00 am in the morning by some flunky.
Not only will he beating off leggy models in the early hours; he'll be covered in fuckin flaky pastry as well. Their pastry never stays put does it? One bite and it's all over the bleeding place. Anyways, all he has to do now is produce his Black Concierge card and they'll deliver to his front door.
Thomas Bell of Brigg take note. I'm tired of throwing hints their way. If Mr Stormzy qualifies for a pastie, then they they need a similar arrangement for me.
Woof!