I'm back! I suppose that things could have been worse, there was quite a foxy little Cairn Terrier in the cell next to me and we got let out into the exercise yard at the same time, so we decided to get in plenty of vigorous exercise if you know what I mean. Managed to roll in some fox shit (or Paco Rabanne as we call it) whilst we were out on a walk to ensure that she only had eyes for me. I had hoped that the two legged ones might get me a present just to make up for leaving me in the lurch, I've had my eye on the new iPod Touch, the one with the camera, but all I got was a pig's ear. A bloody pigs ear, if I wasn't so hungry I'd have thrown it at them, the tight bastards. Pooh count: 3 1/2 (the other 1/2 is still "hanging on in there" as they say).
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...