Didn't bother pissing in the kitchen overnight, too tired worrying about Egyptian situation and rising UK inflation. Woke up to semi-heated "discussion" as to whether the big kid was alright to go to school or not. "I'm so ill I can hardly Facebook," I think she said. The other kid immediately also developed a sore throat and a cough, but was dispatched muttering to himself anyway. I sometimes think that it's only me that holds this place together. No sign of MY breakfast yet, looks like I may have to go foraging for my own again, the tight bastards. Pooh count: 2, already and it's not even 9am yet. Nice.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...