Sometimes it's a bit boring being a dog. We have to make our own amusement in a back to basics "jumpers for goalposts" kind of a way. Today's fun was pissing on the kitchen floor in the middle of the night underneath the kitchen table. When I do that you see they come down in the morning, give it all the "isn't he a good boy" stuff, a pat on the head, a little treat, and only get to find out about my little misdemeanour about half an hour later. Went walkies round Jacob Smith Park this morning, which was fun, but got stuck behind white van man on the way back. Emblazoned across the back of his van was one of those stupid made up words that really get my goat. They think that it makes them sound important. Today's word was "ulitergy". What does that mean then? This guy was apparently an expert in utilergy. It's easy to say that you are an expert in something that nobody has ever heard of, that way they can't disprove your audacious claim. I'm an expert in poohcology me.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...