There's another great and totally original idea for a game show. Take two random celebrities, erm, I don't know...Ian Hislop and Paul Merton for example, throw in a witty and articulate border terrier like me to host the show, to pull it all together like and Bob's you uncle. Slip in a few token pooh jokes and you're laughing. Reeves and Mortimer's Big Shite Out, there's another one for you. Let's think of something totally off the wall... here you go we have a giant dove called Ulkicack, cack, cack caaa who is lowered down from the ceiling at the start of every show. Nobody's ever done that before. Stool Academy, we could sell that one to the Septics. Faeces the Music, there's another, hosted by Tom O'Connor - he's never worked since so he's bound to be free. Contestants have up to seven seconds to name which type of dog a fart came from..."I'll name that pong in one, Tom. Was it a border terrier?"..."You're right it was a border terrier, you've just won this state of the art goblin teasmade in it's original 70's packaging..." Doctor Pooh starring me, David Tennant and Catherine Tate. There's million when you put your mind to it....
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...