There's another great and totally original idea for a game show. Take two random celebrities, erm, I don't know...Ian Hislop and Paul Merton for example, throw in a witty and articulate border terrier like me to host the show, to pull it all together like and Bob's you uncle. Slip in a few token pooh jokes and you're laughing. Reeves and Mortimer's Big Shite Out, there's another one for you. Let's think of something totally off the wall... here you go we have a giant dove called Ulkicack, cack, cack caaa who is lowered down from the ceiling at the start of every show. Nobody's ever done that before. Stool Academy, we could sell that one to the Septics. Faeces the Music, there's another, hosted by Tom O'Connor - he's never worked since so he's bound to be free. Contestants have up to seven seconds to name which type of dog a fart came from..."I'll name that pong in one, Tom. Was it a border terrier?"..."You're right it was a border terrier, you've just won this state of the art goblin teasmade in it's original 70's packaging..." Doctor Pooh starring me, David Tennant and Catherine Tate. There's million when you put your mind to it....
You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to back to fetch it.