Me Dad had one of them jumbo sausage rolls for his lunch yesterday, not a cheapo one, a "premium" version - he does like to spoil himself. So naturally I was hanging around at his feet, working on the assumption that he'll never eat a whole one of those. "Premium Jumbo Sausage Roll - filled with prime British sausage meat" it said on the packet. Now I've just looked up the word "filled" on dictionary.com and it says "to make full; put as much as can be held into; to occupy to the full capacity; to supply to an extreme degree or plentifully." Nowhere does it say "picture a small cocktail sausage placed into the mouth of the Mersey Tunnel." The robbing bastards. Needless to say there weren't any leftovers for yours truly. I was saddened to hear of the premature death of golfing great Seve Ballesteros, who was buried on top of his father yesterday in the family tomb. One over Pa eh Seve?
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...