Skip to main content

Another Turd Of The Week Contender

Teachers. The big kid, I can never remember her name, the one that mumbles and slams doors. She's off today 'cos the bloody teachers are on strike, the workshy penpushing bohemian bastards. I mean I can see that the run-up to the six week summer holidays is probably a stressful time for them, with all those kids playing Monopoly and Kerplunk, but surely they could have dragged their sorry arses into school for the day. I gather that she's back in tomorrow and then off again on Monday for yet another teacher training day! The irony is that if me Mum and Dad suddenly decided to take her away for a long weekend (hypothetically, she's a right surly cow so it's unlikely to happen) then they'd no doubt get into bother for taking her out of school for a day "as she's at a critical time working towards her GCSE's and every day counts you know". They may not be able to edge Richard Branson off top slot this week, but I may go up tho school later and piss through the letterbox. Pooh count: three, one of which reminded me of Emile Heskey for some reason.

Popular posts from this blog

Fucking Passwords

Create a password..... cabbage Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.... boiled cabbage Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. 1 boiled cabbage Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. 50fuckingboiledcabbages Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character. 50FUCKINGboiledcabbages Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively. 50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArse,IfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessImmediatelyYouTwats Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation. NowIAmGettingReallyPissedOff50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArseIfYou DontGiveMeAccessImmediatelyYouTwats Sorry, that password is already in use! See  Fucking phone calls too
Read more

My Mate Frank

Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...
Read more

RIP Frank Carson

It's a little known fact that Frank Carson actually got into comedy purely by chance. When he was a young man, he was a church bell-ringer in Northern Ireland, but he was so bad at it that every time he rang the bells, everyone immediately burst out laughing. It was the way he tolled them. Pooh count: two, and one of them a cracker that has your name on it Frankie. You can pick it up from Pearly Gates reception on your way in.
Read more