Skip to main content

Dave, Dave, I Need Those Numbers Now....

Me Dad had me wetting meself today recounting the story of one old timer in the grain business who insists on have the collection details for anything he buys within about 30 seconds. "Dave, Dave, I've got to fax the details to the haulier NOW." This is for something that is for collection in three weeks time. The same bloke once sold one of me Dad's customers a load for collection "as available" May. Me Dad's customer asked all the way through May if the boat was in yet, only to be told no it wasn't. Eventually on the 30th of May they said OK well we'd better have a fixing for tomorrow then, as it's the last day of the month it has to be available then. The old guy eventually came up with the numbers at 4.30 in the afternoon on the 31st. Obviously the customer didn't collect the load at that late stage as he amazingly didn't have a lorry hanging around on Humberside on doing nothing on the off chance that some numbers were eventually gonna be forthcoming. At 9.30 in the morning on the 1st of June the bloke is on the phone saying "Dave, Dave, they chased me like mad for those numbers and then I got them a fixing and they didn't even have the decency to collect it on the right day. What the hell is going on?"

Popular posts from this blog

Fucking Passwords

Create a password..... cabbage Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.... boiled cabbage Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. 1 boiled cabbage Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. 50fuckingboiledcabbages Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character. 50FUCKINGboiledcabbages Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively. 50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArse,IfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessImmediatelyYouTwats Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation. NowIAmGettingReallyPissedOff50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArseIfYou DontGiveMeAccessImmediatelyYouTwats Sorry, that password is already in use! See  Fucking phone calls too

My Mate Frank

Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...

RIP Frank Carson

It's a little known fact that Frank Carson actually got into comedy purely by chance. When he was a young man, he was a church bell-ringer in Northern Ireland, but he was so bad at it that every time he rang the bells, everyone immediately burst out laughing. It was the way he tolled them. Pooh count: two, and one of them a cracker that has your name on it Frankie. You can pick it up from Pearly Gates reception on your way in.