Some things just don't go together do they? Like Daphne off Eggheads and suspenders. Or seeing yer Grandad in a mankini. Walkies was round Jacob Smith Park with me Dad this morning and there was this old bloke there looking at his mobile phone, just stood there looking at it, and you could just see he was thinking to himself "what is this strange and magical thing I have in my hand?" A bit like you'd just given King Canute an iPad. And then it rang and he was so startled that he dropped it, I swear. It was like "Jesus Christ what's it doing now!" The guy nearly shat himself, which is quite an undignified thing to do in the middle of Jacob Smith Park. I mean I'm sure that me Dad would have helped out, as he never goes anywhere without a pocket full of pooh bags, but even so. Old people, mobile phones, JUST SAY NO.
You couldn't make it up could you. I spent much of the weekend dozing on the sofa watching telly. Glastonbury was on, although sad to say there was no Snoop Dog, Bone Jovi or any other canine related artists. The big news seemed to be the lack of female headliners and now we know why as one scored a spectacular own goal. She missed her slot cos she was doing her hair. It takes ages she said. Why NOT start doing your hair well before your show time. Aaagh no where's my handbag I've left it in the car, I've got to back to fetch it.