Some things just don't go together do they? Like Daphne off Eggheads and suspenders. Or seeing yer Grandad in a mankini. Walkies was round Jacob Smith Park with me Dad this morning and there was this old bloke there looking at his mobile phone, just stood there looking at it, and you could just see he was thinking to himself "what is this strange and magical thing I have in my hand?" A bit like you'd just given King Canute an iPad. And then it rang and he was so startled that he dropped it, I swear. It was like "Jesus Christ what's it doing now!" The guy nearly shat himself, which is quite an undignified thing to do in the middle of Jacob Smith Park. I mean I'm sure that me Dad would have helped out, as he never goes anywhere without a pocket full of pooh bags, but even so. Old people, mobile phones, JUST SAY NO.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...