Was walking round Knaresborough with me Dad on Saturday morning, and as soon as we got out of the car there was this sound of "moaning" in the distance, across the other side of the Market Square. So I immediately think, bless, it's one of our less fortunate brethren. They can't help it can they? But no, it wasn't someone with with Tourettes effing and jeffing across the way. Or a handicapped person taking a good-humoured thrashing off one of their "carers". This was an Elvis impersonator giving us "Suspicious Minds" at full volume. And a not particularly talented Elvis impersonator at that. The girls in the deli were far from impressed as "Elvis" was right outside their door, their enquiries of "do you do requests, well here's a tenner now bugger off" sadly fell on deaf ears. You could just tell that in this guy's mind he WAS Elvis, there was no mistake about that. Passers-by had a bemused look on their faces that said "is this real" as they scanned the assembled throng for Jeremy Beadlesque hidden cameras. But there were none, this guy was well and truly real and he didn't look like he was ready to return to his sender any time soon. His "Well since my baby left me, I've found a new place to dwell, it's down at the end of Lonely Street..." intro was met with the classic retort "well why don't you feck off back there then" from one wag in the crowd. Me Dad had to cover me ears and eyes when they started throwing stuff.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...