Watching "celebrity" MasterChef with me Dad last night I could scarcely believe my little terrier ears when Greg Wallace said something like "these celebrities have reached the very top of their chosen professions, but can they cope with stress like this?" - or something very similar. One "celebrity" being none other than "actress and model" Linda Lusardi. I think that if my sole claim to fame was having reached the pinnacle of "get your tits out for the lads" society then I'd be keeping quiet about it twenty years on. Throwing a blanket over it/them, so to speak. Unless of course they're referring to her glittering acting career: In 1992 she appeared in the "Dead Ringer" observation round of The Krypton Factor and she also sells a range of skin-care products on shopping television. Bugger me, Helena Bonham Carter must be shitting herself. Talking of which today's pooh count is a feelgood three just on case you're interested. One Twix, a fun-sized Mars Bar and the obligatory Curly Wurly. Nice business that.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...