Skip to main content

I've Been On My Hols

For once the two-leggeds didn't book me into Stalag 45 whilst they went away on holiday, they actually took me with them this time. I reckon that the fake cough I put on the last time I came back from kennels must have done the trick. Either that or the fleas. Any road up, I had a bracing week away on the east coast to recharge the old batteries and enjoyed plenty of walks along the beaches of Redcar, Saltburn, Staithes and Sandsend. For some reason the two-leggeds get all excited about fossil-hunting on these walks, with the air frequently punctured by an excited "come and have a look at this one" and such like. Exactly what is so impressive about finding a 70 million year old ammonite is beyond me. It's inedible for one thing, so where's the excitement in that? Still, whilst they are walking along with their heads almost literally in the sand I get plenty off opportunistic truffling opportunities so everybody's happy at the end of the day. Pooh count two, one a perfectly coiled walnut whip and the other a dangleberry that contained a green house from a game of Travel Monopoly! It's true, and it adds a new meaning to the expression shit houses doesn't it? For some it's a derogatory term, but for me it's an instruction.

Popular posts from this blog

Fucking Passwords

Create a password..... cabbage Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.... boiled cabbage Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. 1 boiled cabbage Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. 50fuckingboiledcabbages Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character. 50FUCKINGboiledcabbages Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively. 50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArse,IfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessImmediatelyYouTwats Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation. NowIAmGettingReallyPissedOff50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArseIfYou DontGiveMeAccessImmediatelyYouTwats Sorry, that password is already in use! See  Fucking phone calls too

My Mate Frank

Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...

RIP Frank Carson

It's a little known fact that Frank Carson actually got into comedy purely by chance. When he was a young man, he was a church bell-ringer in Northern Ireland, but he was so bad at it that every time he rang the bells, everyone immediately burst out laughing. It was the way he tolled them. Pooh count: two, and one of them a cracker that has your name on it Frankie. You can pick it up from Pearly Gates reception on your way in.