What's all the excitement about? Them pandas that the Chinese have lent to Edinburgh zoo, I reckon they'll be dead by Christmas. Scottish 'keepers are rubbish, it's a well-known fact. It's ironic though that a couple of Chinese pandas can potentially do more for the Scottish economy than a nation of Jocks can do for themselves. Me Dad says he went to Perth once and it was rubbish. He didn't see one kangaroo, a koala or nothing. This Scots fella walks into a fish and chip shop and asks for a steak and kiddly pie. The guy behind the counter laughs and says "you just asked for a steak & kiddly pie." The Jock says "no I diddly." Pooh count: just the one, I might send it up there and they can deep fry it.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...