What a great idea for an xBox game. You get to control Anthony Worrall Thompson running round Tesco on a turbo charged trolley nicking stuff whilst being chased by security guards and a very camp Ainsley Harriott who hides behind the end displays in a dress and keeps trying to kiss you. You can chuck tins of beans at the guards to temporarily disable them, or bludgeon Ainsley violently over the head with a frozen chicken until he's dead whilst stuffing bottles of wine and cheese up your cable knit jumper. I think it's a winner that one. Pooh count: just the one, which strangely featured a couple of perfectly formed and totally undigested garden peas on closer inspection. Fascinating stuff I'm sure you will agree, although not as impressive as the one on Staithes beach that contained a green Monopoly house I'll grant you.
Is a sheepdog and his two-legged is a farmer. Frank was out with him in the tractor drilling wheat last autumn and they unearthed a rusty old lamp. So the farmer hopped out of the cab to have a closer look at it and gave it a little rub on his jacket, as you do, and was amazed to see a genie appear and offer to grant him any wish he wanted. Well the farmer thought for a moment and then said "I'd like the price of wheat to go to £200/tonne!" So the genie sighed but said "OK, I'll sort that out for you then, you greedy bastard" and popped back into his bottle. And the farmer casually tossed the lamp into the back of his cab and got on with his drilling. Well they were out again this morning putting a bit of nitrogen on, Frank and the farmer, and the farmer spotted the lamp and gave it a little rub again, just on the off chance, and you'll never guess what happened, the genie popped out again, and said that he'd grant the farmer one more wish. So the fa...